Dr Yousuf Ali Al mulla
A complete family is a natural environment where the child is socialized in the broadest sense, with mutual love, respect and support. However, the phenomenon of divorce has spread in many societies and marriages are ending in divorce in a very short period. Despite the difference in the percentage of divorce from one country to another, it is a matter that greatly affects the psychological and social condition of family members, especially when the marriage has resulted in the existence of children, where parents make educational mistakes with children after divorce. This may destroy children psychologically and socially, subjecting them to trauma and psychological fatigue.
Undoubtedly, the main reason why this condition that shakes the foundations of society is that it primarily affects children, along with relationships between children and their parents and between parents in general are affected by this phenomenon in a negative way.
As for the short-term impact on the child, that leaves children struggling emotionally. The anger and sadness here is natural regardless of the age of the children even if they are adults and therefore sadness can lead to isolation, loneliness, social difficulties, and children may perform less academically. As a result of the disintegration of their parents, and anger may also increase in children to address feelings of abandonment or guilt, anxiety or blame, all of these feelings are normal and should be expected, however if deep anger or sadness persists beyond two to three months, one of the parents must seek advice for the child.
Another important challenge in the short term is that children often think that they are responsible for the separation of their parents. Moreover, children are particularly vulnerable to these types of ideas if they are between three and eight years old and it is up to the parents to convince them that they are not responsible for the decision to separate their parents!
Interestingly, experts in the emotional needs of young children say that increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol in children and young children separated from their parents, especially their mothers, can have a long-term genetic impact on future generations.
Hence, separation and divorce leave their effects on children’s lives, such as the effects of unwanted spots on clothes that cannot be disposed of.
In fact, children need their parents to participate in their lives and countless studies show great benefits for children socially, cognitively, academically, psychologically, emotionally, and physically when they remain Parents together in a child’s life.
Children lose when parents are separated and that’s mean losing access to their parents when they need them and this loss profoundly affects their development. When the child feels sufficient security resulting from the presence of his parents in his life, he is more able to explore, develop, learn and grow.
However, for children, separation creates insecurity that threatens their development and exploration of the world and instead they drain their energies in the search for reassurance rather than learning, experimentation and growth.
Sadly speaking ,also many studies have explained that, divorce increased the possibility for children to live in unhealthy relationships in the future, as a child whose parents were exposed to divorce are more likely to suffer from the difficulty of obtaining healthy relationships upon puberty.
So, divorce of the parents is born when the child reaches a sense of fear of abandonment, failure and lack of success in emotional relationships, which in turn leads to his abstaining from commitment in his relationships as well.
At end, If you see that divorce is the only solution and that you feel remorse for your decision to marry, you must end the marriage, but always remember that your decision to have children cannot be regretted and cannot be disposed of or terminated in any way.
Nevertheless if divorce is the only solution to live in peace, it must take children into account and look to divorce and its psychological impact on children, with parents dialogue and consult with psychologists. Actually, sometimes separation is better for children than living under a roof full of conflict and tension.
Dr Yousuf Ali Al Mulla, is a physician, medical innovator and writer.
